The big slip

Yesterday was Max’s birthday party.  It was a blast!  We had a monster truck jump thing, Sarah made a killer bat pinatta, lots of fun was had by all!  I had a great time, but in the face of being honest here, I must confess what I ate.

What I ate (too much of?)

This is the substance that brings me to the truth-booth. It was like heaven in my mouth… or so I thought. I fought with NOT eating it all day, it has lots of things in there I like (Fiddle Faddle, Candy Corn, Chocolate, Reeces Pieces, Pretzels, Chocolate…. Okay, I like it all). I did really well all day, but when I took it to the club house, I started ‘grazing’.  Every time I walked by, I grabbed  handful.  Over and over.  I kept saying to myself – “no more” – but as the song says… Wild horses couldn’t keep me away… I have NO earthly idea how much I actually ate, but I ate more than I should have.  I think it was probably less than I would have a last weekend.  I couldn’t even quantify how to tweet this.  “32 handfuls of Halloween Trail Mix”?  I don’t know.

Anyway, I did the “smart thing”, just had one “Mummy Dog” and got the heck out of the line.  I had a cupcake too, but that is party time – one is acceptable.  I’m just upset that I grazed so much.

When I got home, I put ALL the leftovers in bags and when I got home from the football game, 90% of it was gone.  I have no idea where this stuff went, but not in my belly, so that is good.

I’m far from healed, perfect or on the right path – but I am trying!

My accountability partner… The Internet!

I know my latest hair brained idea won’t push the iPhone 4s off the news, but today it is helping me! If you haven’t been annoyed by my facebook posts about everything I eat… You probably will be soon. I decided to tweet (and cross post to fb) everything I eat. So far it is challenging me and making me think through what I eat. I am going to be honest, I am often a secret eater. Little (200 calorie snack, bite here, taste there) bit at a time, I fuel my fatness. Nobody knows, I feel guilty when i do it but I do it over and over again. I am FORCING myself to TELL YOU! Well…. As I do that, for some stupid reason it is easier to just say no. Another side effect? Makes doing your diary easier in the evening!

So… If my food annoys you, I am sorry. You can un-follow or de-friend me. I won’t be mad. You might miss when I hit one-derland, which could be one heck of a day. They say I am gonna party like it’s 1999!

Inspirational quotes

My friend Sheri posted this one the other day:

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels!

She went on to babble about chocolate – but it hit me in the gut and made me think.  I gotta thank her for that one.  I thought of this one while running tonight:

You will never feel better if you eat because you feel bad!

Now, as I sit here typing this, watching the Biggest Loser – season 12 – I hear another one:

You have to find your inner WHY!

I kind of think I lost my inner why.  I got off track about a month, or two, or three again.  Riding, living, eating, having fun and not focussing on getting down to my healthy weight.  On one side, that is good.  I have enjoyed myself.  I rode lots, ran some.  Ate some, maintained my weight reasonably well.  I went up 5, down 4, up 3, down 6, up 2… all what I would call normal and usual human fluctuations.  I decided I would go back… I still remember how I felt in March.  Disgusted.  I’m not there yet – but I’m getting there.  As strange as this may be – I feel almost like a role model and I don’t want to turn back.  Some of you may know, my cousin Nathan has joined the fitness/weight loss cult and is doing very well.  I read his blog, his twitter … I see his enthusiasm and I dont want, at any time, him to look to his cousin and at not least have him see me do something positive.  At most – I don’t want to show him negative.  Lately – I don’t feel like I’ve been inspirational or role model.

So here it is… time for change.  Time to restart doing what did me well in the beginning.  I see a lot of positive in my life.  I didn’t completely go backwards.  I haven’t gained back everything I lost.  I have a seeming good attitude/slogan.  Anybody else in?

BTW – Nathan is coming down from Rochester, NY in July to give he Peachtree a go!  Should be good…

So … this new iCloud thing – is it a trap?

So first AT&T comes out with this super-duper-double-looper-pooper-scooper phone.  You may have heard of it in the past … the iPhone?  It was REALLY COOL…. slower than a tank, but the fastest thing on the planet.  Then they said “People will want faster data!” so … they came out with the 3G.  The faster it got, the more data they transferred.  They started doing more.  Doing more required more data transfer!  New services came up that streamed music to our phones.  Music, video… that’s data!

AT&T started having new issues.  They started running out of bandwidth so they said WAIT…. “Your Unlimited Data Plan”… that’s not really unlimited, you get 5 GB.  After that, get out your checkbook.  Only a few were affected, but I believe at this point they have even turned back their 5 gig back to 2 gig (I’m sure somebody will clarify).

Now, everybody on Verizon got all worked up and bunched – I want and iPhone… Okay, you can have one too!  (Verizon I know is set to 2GB).  Great – we will make them the fastest 3G phones we can, awesome…. but only communicate 2GB a month!

Now – here comes the iPhone 4s  (Notice, their’s no G).  It’s not a 4G phone.  Why not?  (I could argue many people cant/don’t need 4G as they wont even get it at their homes, but that’s a different discussion).  Now … they introduce this new product… the iCloud – which I _FULLY SUPPORT_!  With proper security – amen my brotha … use that internet to my advantage.  From what I have seen and read though, they are giving you 8GB of space on the cloud.  You probably have to pay more – for more…. They still have 16, 32 and 64 gig iPhones but the door is open to get rid of that and save costs.  The door is open to start charging you for cloud space for anything more than 8gb of music.  A 32 gb microsd card can be found for under $100.  How much will 32 gb of cloud space cost with the iPhone 4/5/g/s/?  I guess we will have to wait and see…. the other thing is, how many people will bust their music library up to the cloud, listen away as happy as a clam and get their bill and weep for days?  Those of us who are old enough to remember when we thought 300 minutes was enough for our cell phone…. until we used it for the first month and got our first $500 phone bill will understand.

Sorry – I really rambled here.  I like the concept of the iCloud and where I think Apple is going, but I fear that not all of the players are working together … or maybe they are.  $50 1gb iPhone w/8 gb of cloud space and a $200 a month data bill wont be a good deal!

Thanks… I’m done!

I don’t understand

Yesterday, I had a great day.  Got up… nice breakfast, coached Max’s game, didn’t make any kids cry, ran home from game, wife made me a nice lunch, Derek’s team played great, relaxed for a while, fixed my Mother in law’s computer/phone, had Chipotle for dinner, went to a INCREDIBLE concert with Sarah and to “ice my cake”… I got my Chili’s Apple Skillet thingy that I have been craving.  The thing is … 30 minutes after I finished the skillet (a huge, high calorie dessert, suitable for sharing … but I enjoyed it solo) I am driving home and am 110% sure I am ‘hungry’.  Every road sign for food is making me consider stopping for more food.  I just wanted more more more more more…. McDonalds was calling me….”99 cent double cheeseburger”…. “99 cent double cheeseburger”….  Seriously – what is it with this addiction/issue/love affair that I have with food that makes me think like that?  I don’t understand.

The good news – I made it home without stopping, went to bed and passed out with a smile on my face from the concert, but I had to consciously fight my tendencies to be a fattie even when faced with goodness.  When I started in AA they told me alcoholism is a “cunning and baffling disease”.  I guess the same can be said of any addiction.  I’m not wired right and my disease is going to do everything it can to make me give in.  “Admitted I am powerless over food… my life is unmanageable.”

BTW – if you ever have the opportunity to see Third Day in concert – DO IT!